i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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