who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
