I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
