Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
