when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
