remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
