I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have fence marks all over my body
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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