I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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