he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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