I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
