let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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