I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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