The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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