the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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