she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
