Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
zippers are such a cool invention
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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