Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
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