Already got asked if we're dating
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
