You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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