i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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