lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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