So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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