got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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