Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
