i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
