Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
