I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
