Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he thought i was a dude.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
