Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
