you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
