His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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