They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
