the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
