plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
