dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I love you. Go after that dick
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
