I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
