Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
