dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
