So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
