Plan B is the new Plan A
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
