You really coming over, don't trick.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
