Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want her autograph on my taint
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
