I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
