ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Randomize
