Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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