I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
