you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
