Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
