I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
