Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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