just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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