I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
