I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
