Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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