DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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