This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
