You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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