i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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